Where Do I Begin?

As I thought about starting this blog, I had to decide where to begin. I decided (with the lyrics from Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp in "The Sound of Music" running through my mind) to "start at the very beginning, a very good place to start," so here goes nothing...
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From the time I got my first period at age 13, I had abdominal pain with every cycle. I thought it was a normal part of being a girl. Everyone around me complained about cramps and as I had no real baseline data for what was normal and what wasn't, I assumed that it was just a part of life...that I should just pull up my big girl panties lined with three pads and move on, hoping it wouldn't leak through.  Although it did...often...because in addition to severe abdominal pain, my flow was a BEAST. I'm not going to go into much more detail than that because...well, because that would be TMI.
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On a side note, I understand that this blog may often contain a little bit of TMI for some people. I'm not going to apologize, I'm just going to ask you to move on. Endometriosis is a disease that is extremely misunderstood by those who have not experienced it themselves. In order to attempt to help people understand even a fraction of what I have experienced in my nearly 30 year struggle with chronic pelvic pain and endo, I may share details that some deem to be TMI. It isn't a pretty subject and I'm not going to sugar coat it.  I will, however, attempt to cover it in a bit of humor as I walk the fine line between giving you a window into my daily reality and offering up TMI. This disease is not for the faint of heart.  Though I was faint of heart when I started on my endo journey, by the time I got to a place of acceptance that chronic abdominal pain will likely be something I endure for the remainder of my days here on Earth, my heart has become much stronger. #EndoStrong
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But I digress...
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Where was I? Oh yeah...painful, pad-overflowing periods... oh, the good old days. I thought it was normal...until I didn't. I remember going to the doctor and being tested for mono many times as a teen. Even though I hadn't kissed any boys, the left side of my abdomen was chronically hurting and I was convinced my spleen was on the verge of exploding. Every time I was tested, it came back normal. I plodded on and assumed it was all just part of "every woman's battle" - my monthly nightmare that didn't stop hurting in between menstrual cycles. There was always a layer of pain in my abdomen.
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I graduated from high school and was off to college - still with pain and heavy cycles. These years were rather blurry for me with sleep deprivation from all-nighters and the fuzziness of binge drinking and recreational drug use (that information may be new to some friends and family, but I am not trying to live on anyone's pedestal - I was not a "good girl" in my college years). When I look back through my entire life with abdominal pain, that was pretty much the only time it didn't take me down...the only time I can't even recall having constant nagging pain in my abdomen or any pain at all outside of my monthly menstruation. I don't even think I had one mono test during my entire college career! Maybe it was my substance use that numbed me just enough not to care... More than likely the reprieve came as a result of a routine Pap test appointment in my second year of college at the college clinic. The provider told me that taking birth control pills might help minimize my menstrual flow, so I jumped onto that bandwagon immediately! Although I had never heard the word endometriosis at this point in my journey, in addition to decreasing menstrual flow, birth control can also suppress the growth of endometriosis. Whatever the reason, the drugs or the birth control, I was revelling in my new life with two day periods and minimal flow while enjoying the time of my life with friends. I didn't think about the pain in my abdomen again until I came off the pill and stopped using drugs and alcohol regularly - about 10 years later (ok, so I wasn't a "good girl" a little bit BEYOND college, either) after meeting and getting engaged to my husband, Jim.
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I feel like I should stop here for today, but I'm a little bit worried about leaving 10 years of substance use out there... We all have our skeletons and our mistakes and I'm not going to worry about anyone else's judgment. It is what it is... It's my story and I can't change it. God has forgiven me, redeemed me and even given me the opportunity to use my experiences during those lost and broken years to help others through my ministry to youth in crisis and in future substance abuse prevention efforts.
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And with that, I am signing off for today but this is definitely TO BE CONTINUED...